Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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