On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
