My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
