Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
