): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
