My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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