woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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