your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
