just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
