If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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