I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I look better un-naked...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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