i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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