I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
