I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
