Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
