I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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