Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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