I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
