she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
