put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
