hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
