Your mouth is God's brothel.
We named our party play list daddy issues
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
