I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
