What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
