But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
