have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
