I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
