The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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