Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
