My pussy is not your playground.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
