you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In America we eat man semen.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
