I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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