I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
