Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
