Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
