Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
