so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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