Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
