The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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