Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
