tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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