If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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