I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
