you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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