I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
