hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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