I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
