You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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