What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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