lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
