what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
