so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
